Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
