pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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