if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
