Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize