i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I wanna passion pit in your ass
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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