I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
