And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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