i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
