What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
