every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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