I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
