Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
