ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
