i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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