Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
