when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
