I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
