Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
