Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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