Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
