i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
