clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize