wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
