areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
