i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
