oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
