Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
