____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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