Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
