We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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