So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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