Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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