im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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