It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
