Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
bring money and cleavage
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
