in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
