what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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