i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
