was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
