Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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