I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
