It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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