The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
