So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
