dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize