i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
