I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
