The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
