a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
