I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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