Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I wish I only lived at night.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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