she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
