Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
