I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My ATM looks so different sober.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
