This is not my ceiling
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
