I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
