Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize