you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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