Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize