So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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