The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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