mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
