OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize