nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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