in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
