Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
