I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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