The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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