Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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