I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
