The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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