She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
